A letter to myself; wont you come home love?

Come home to me love,
Come back from all your yearning and taking,
From all your coercing,
Come home from all your regret and pain,
From the deep yearnings of your youth,
From the dreams you were sure were true,
From the perceived money and fame,
The things that were carved from deep personal tragedy,
Come home to love,
Come home to acceptance,
Come home to a little disappointment,
But even more success,
Come home to where hopes and dreams directed to the moon, landed you here,
For better or worse,
With this past,
With these regrets,
Looking and running away won’t make them any less true.

Come home to different hopes,
To a different dream,
A different heart,
A different mind.

The past is not accessible anymore,
It is left in a forgotten realm,
A place that cannot be reclaimed.
But it has not left ruins, it has left real dirt from which can grow beautiful oak trees,
It is no longer as it was,
It can’t be anymore.

It must mean a whole new world exists,
One that may be new,
New may be scary,
New may be different,
But new is possible,
New is lovely,
New is challenging but it is the real version of events,
This holding onto what may have been is a product of the former self.

Come home love,
Come to reality,
To what is possible.
I’m sorry for the deep pain.
It’s time to come home.
You belong here.
You belong to change.
You belong to the universe.

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Giants

We have seen their mountainous solitude for eons
Still and unwavering
We could trace their faces
Their well rounded closed eyes
They were our dead protectors
We were sure they would never rise.

Last Friday
We heard one of them moved
Frightened as we were
Unsure of what it would mean
We thought our resolve would ground us.

Yet,
Would this be the end of us?
The giants have ruled us in their slumber
For generations they have remained still
Unencumbered by what we have thought to be progress
We’ve heard stories of their fierce magnitude
Their weight
As if holding the earth in their grasp
Will our resolve face their immensity
Will their consciousness expose our fragility.

Finally,
With guarded breathes
We have watched them awaken one by one
With their eyes fixed far beyond the stars
Reaching out to the great unknown with desperation and promise
With a heavy hand of beautiful stone, made of dust and destiny
As if calling or praising the mystery lying beyond our universe.

We all watched frightened
Unnerved
As the giants stirred from the depths of the ocean bed
To the peaks of the Kangchenjunga
The desert hills of the Kalahari
To the amazon.

Our mountains have risen.

Who are we now but observers of our assured descent.
We always thought it was going to be sun.
We always thought we were the center of the universe.
The glory in the chaos.

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On Beauty

Beauty
Wondrous and poetic
She stands mighty, high above the clouds, far beyond the understanding of mankind
She will not be limited to finite ideas of who she is
She was created to transcend the meagre thoughtless attitudes of those tasked in having her
She will not be boggled down by lipsticks, and cheap tricks
Her value is worth more than the inadequacies of mirrors
Yet the burden of her meaning; to understand her, is more than humans can bare
The lesser cannot define the greater
This standard can never be met.

She stands unreachable and perfect
She was never meant to be copied – only admired
Felt
Not imposed but heard
She cannot be defined
The proof of her existence can be seen on many faces
Over the rough oceans and on planets
Plants
And full moons, children being born
She can be seen when the Maasai dance
She is there at the highest peaks and lowest valleys
With the unheard, the unseen
The terrifying and the serene.

Beauty expands herself to all things great and small
She will not be boxed
She will not be tamed
She will hurt those who try, with weariness and emptiness
She is far more than meets the eye
She is the beholder of her own truth
She makes it much, while the lesser make it little.

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A Stoics Prayer

God, grant me a clear vision to see my reality as it truly is,
To feel the wind in my hair,
The bright sun on my brown skin,
To know and feel my past and future with enduring soulfulness,
Surviving uncertainty with passion and promise.

Grant me fairness and wisdom,
To behold love not as I imagine it,
But love as it comes, imperfect and normal.
Help me to see my neighbor in all their ugliness, yet in it, find my own humanity,
A shared consequence of our mutual existence,
Ruined yet magical.

Grant me that I may see, with these eyes, the colours in the trees more clearly and attentively,
The colourful tones in the roses and bushes, the places perhaps one dares not look.
Help me to see the deep & dreadful waters of the Atlantic with a clear and renewed view,
A view of my mortality and that of my keen.
My significant insignificance in the presence of such great a marvel.

Grant me that I may look beyond the telescope and see with clarity that I am but an ant in the grand forest of life.
Grant me that I may look closely on this day, and see, that it has been afforded me to gratefully acknowledge it,
And in it find mirrors, reflecting my flawed yet acceptable existence.
Beholding this very day again and again, to find beauty, wisdom & grace.
To spend on this day, all that it requires and deserves, with no tomorrows guaranteed.

Grant me therefore wisdom and courage.

(Painting – Birth of Eve by Harmonia Rosales, 2018)

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Angels

Imagine it was angels we saw instead of birds,
That, it was their gaze we took for granted,
How they would glide over the oceans and mountains.
Aware of our awe,
Their brown skin apparent and their glow transformative.
Imagine we would know they came to see us from heaven,
They, our kin, would be reachable and kind,
Holding us also in their gaze with awe and hope,
Hope for love and hope for kinship,
Imagine it was indeed angels we would see instead of birds.
Would we always behold with inspiration,
Would our gaze grow cold,
Would we see a sky full of strange beings,
Would our unknowing be apparent,
A wonder that once was.
Another sky full of extinction.

Imagine with me, if angels were known and beheld.

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3. Jupiter, my love.

Oh my love
You have devoured many before you
Are you so cruel that you need me to wish peril upon myself
You say come close
It is not triumph to love you only to know death
I will not exist knowing your strange entitlement
Can you love me any other way my love?
I don’t know
My love feels like weakness

Alas. I cannot look away
Watch me dance
I cannot dance any other way

Is there no other? Can I look upon no other?
Am I truly lost?

Ganymede

Jupiter..
Was that you?
You roar and thunder.
But I hear a whisper.
Call me again.
I will respond.

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